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Reiven's Reflections

an evolution of perception
July 23

William Makepeace Thackeray

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.” William Makepeace Thackeray quotes
March 25

Fogged In

I threw coffee at the fog today, but it persisted...
February 28

D & A

 This is from an e-mail that I sent to a friend.  If you are here, maybe you can benefit from it too.  I hope so.
 I was diagnosed with extreme depression and anxiety about 2 years ago. I was such a mess I really wish I could have been hospitalized.  But no insurance and no one to lean on but myself so I toughed it out.   For me it's biological as well as situational.  I found a great site for research, it's: "crazymeds.us"  They have tons of info and it's written in layman terms and is really quite funny at times.
   I've found myself really embarrassed because I have a "mental illness."  I'm an intelligent woman and I feel like being ill (mentally) is a weakness that I should be able to prevent/handle, just by the power of my will.  But I know that I can't,  I know that I have to take meds and I need to learn to deal with stressful situations in a healthy way. There are a lot of people suffering with D&A, and more and more of the general public are understanding that it is a debilitating illness.
  One of the really hard parts for me is the fact that no one can "see" that I am ill.  People don't understand how fragile I am and the need I have to just be left alone to heal.  People cannot see what a Herculean effort it is just to get out of bed.   It's not like I am wearing a cast and so my friends know not to ask me to an amusement park.  I feel like a loser when I keep telling my friends that I don't want to go out to a club or a bar or whatever.  They are always asking "why not?" and how many times can I say "I'm depressed, I don't want to do anything and the idea of trying to pick out something to wear causes me so much anxiety that I just have to lay down."  And the looks I get like "what the fuck? you're stressed about getting dressed?"  It's  not the getting dressed, it's the trying to make a decision, even simple one's are overwhelming. 
    It's important that you be gentle with yourself.



January 30

Pictures

I took some pics today at a park by my house. Look under photos.  They're kind of weird looking because the background of my page shows through, but it actually works well.  I may have to change the background if I take more pics that won't go so well with it.  Lemme know what you think.

January 26

Vocabulary

I was thinking about words I would like to incorporate into my vocabulary.  Words like scandalous.  I know it's not new or anything, but I just never use it, maybe that is why I like it so much.  I also like the word "shady," again, it's not new, but I don't use it.  Scandalous and shady, where is my mind going with this?  I don't know, but I'm tired of using the word "fuck" because it is so over-used, or maybe I just use it too much.  It's scandalous how often I use the word "fuck."  Heehee  I'll add new words as they pop into my head, I just wanted to write this down while I was thinking of it.
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